About a week ago, I told a true story on Facebook, about an episode where my husband was trying to do a mindful chore, that wound up becoming ‘mind-LESS’ instead! Who stands on a swivel chair, at the top of a flight of steps, to look UP in the ceiling and change an air filter? R U Kidding me. Now, I understand that he was trying to do a NICE thing- but don’t we tell our young children NOT to climb on Chairs- especially chairs on WHEELS?? The fact that this all took place at the top of the staircase was just the icing on the cake! Was he successful? NO??? Of Course the chair kicked out from under, flew down the hall, and he wound up flat on his back! Laying there… all by himself, until one of two dogs showed up and started panting in his face!
I wasn’t home, so I wasn’t privvy to all that went on, but when he relayed this story to me, he said the first thing that went through his head as he was falling was, “THANK GOD she’s not HERE!” (this being told to me while on the phone) I asked, “WHY??” (covering the mouthpiece in between silences) and he said, “Because I know you would have laughed your ASS off with that STUPID nervous laugh of yours, and I just didn’t want to HEAR it!”
With that acknowledgement having been said OUT LOUD- I BURST out laughing! It’s a terrible habit, … not even a Habit… just a ‘condition!’ When I get nervous, I LAUGH! OMG- my kids are just as bad… we are great fun at funerals and important meetings. I mean hold your sides, fall on the floor, laughing out loud! It’s Terrible!!!
I finally got myself under control enough to ask firstly, “HOW could you do something so friggin’ STUPID?” and then, “Are you OK?” He said, “Aside from dealing with the bad breath of the dog in my face… I’m a bit Sore.” There I went again! Hahaha! I pictured the whole scene with him, the dog, the chair – and once again I lost it! I couldn’t wait for the girls to come home and watch THEIR expressions as he told the story again! LOL!
OK…days go by, and he’s healing and I’m being as caring a wife as I know how to be: ie- “did you put ICE on it?” “Did you fix my chair?”
A week goes by, and the girls are leaving for school one morning, and these damn dogs- and every time I mention them, I think of a very dear friend of mine that called to my attention a few days ago- ‘WHY do you have your DOGS in almost EVERY BLOG you write??’- I got so annoyed with him when he asked me that? Why? Because it pissed me off that he was RIGHT! These dogs have taken over my LIFE! Jesus! See how they distract me? Here I’m trying to tell you about Karma, and once again, I’m talking about these Hoonts! ( my mom’s word, I think it’s Yiddish)
I’m dressed in a nightshirt – nothing else – the girls know to not let the dogs out when they leave, …but of course they carelessly let one out. I went to let him back in, TRIPPED over the ‘waste of fur’ that he is, and went flying!!! I can only say this: thank GOD my house is the end of the cul-de-sac, because Lord only knows what showed up, as I went Down.
I had a brand new ‘one sipped’ cuppa’ coffee in my hands, that went flying over every thirsty plant on the front porch and lawn, and I went down HARD. My left knee was a bloody mess, my right toe was already swelling up, and my right hand was feeling a bit queasy, if that’s possible? I sat there, wondering ‘who saw what’ and the girls came running to me,… LAUGHING of course!! “MOM! Are you OK?” (holding their sides) I said, “Get DAD.” Talk about the ultimate “pay back!” I couldn’t get up, because I was injured on two sides. I needed HIM, the one I’d Laughed at, to pick me Up. Ugh! Talk about ‘eating crow!’ He didn’t laugh, and I know it’s not because he’s caring, it’s because he was picturing the hard fact that HE would now be responsible for the laundry, cooking and cleaning! LOL!
I’m teasing about that… but it did make for a good ending to that ridiculous story, didn’t it? He was very helpful, never said, “See?” or, “Have a nice trip?”
I’m now threatening anyone and everyone that comes NEAR my scabbed over disgusting looking Knee, because I want to look good for the NAB conference in less than two weeks! That’s my incentive for having an invisible bubble surrounding me at all times right now, at least around my knee!
So if you Are going to the NAB, and we’ve never met, you’ll know it’s me, when you see a woman, approximately 5’7″, limping, because of a fractured foot and trying desperately to cover the Other leg that’s scabbed up. Yuck! I’ll be hard to miss- and when you shake my hand, please remember that that hand as of yesterday was finally able to close. Please be gentle! I can also guarantee you will see NO DOGS anywhere near me.
No Dogs. No Children. No Husband. I won’t know what to DO with myself?