Feb 15th,2015 Dallas, Tx
So it’s come down to the wire…
My Doctor has admitted I’m “one of a kind.” Meaning, she’s never had a patient who’s numbers have been the equivalent to a wooden roller coaster, where you hear the sound of the rickety-rick as it climbs to the peak and shoots straight down to the bottom, without hope that you’ll survive that drop! And of course, then there’s the subject of my personality… Ha! She admitted to me, that most women can’t handle 6 months worth of weekly taxol, let alone work and travel at the same time. I didn’t know that. I just remember my girlfriend Jane, who had stage 4 cancer and she’d have her IV pole at work, while being the GM of a radio station. I thought that was remarkable and tried to model myself after her.
Each week I’ve gone in, for the entire 6 months, it’s been a crap shoot. My white count is so low they can’t give me chemo or my red count is so low that I need a blood transfusion. I wonder how many people really are a part of my make up, at this point. All that blood from generous strangers…I wonder if it’ changed my personality? Obviously not- I’m still a bit crazy- unless they pulled from the “crazy blood bank!”
A perfect example is, I went to SC to see my kids last week. Had a great time until I woke up Sunday to a fever of 103.5. I know… you’re all picturing what radio frequency is in your market with that number! I’m not the only nutty one- I too remembered working for the Apple in NYC, thinking, “OH! So it all comes around finally!”
Here it is: 3 weeks left to go which includes 4 treatments of chemo.
My mom has been in and out of the ICU for the last 5 months. I’ve seen her twice which is the only way I’ve been able to talk with her, since she’s trached and on a ventilator. I was able to read her lips. Now I’m getting calls from the doctor saying it doesn’t look good. She’ll never come off the vent and her chosen POA is slipping into delirium. Can I come in? I’ve been forbidden to enter the ICU while my counts have been all over the map, which caused me to go to my doctor and ask for advice.
She said, “Robin your platelets are too low for chemo as of today. Your body is at the point where we don’t think you’ll be able to handle chemo on a weekly basis anymore. We can’t afford to keep missing weeks due to your counts being inconsistent.”
I never even saw what was coming…
All I knew was that this was going to be the hardest three weeks of my life- body tolerance wise, and trying to get to my mom in time.
She said, “come back on Monday for labs again, and let’s see if the platelets are higher, and if so- we’re going to give you the entire cycle in one sitting; 4 doses of chemo which will take about 6 hours- and then? You’re done. I started to cry… happy tears! All those moments of tearing quietly just broke loose.
After regaining my composure, please picture my mouth hanging open- as I said, “can I die from this?” She said, “as long as you don’t HIDE the fact that you have a FEVER from me again, NO… I don’t think so!”
I tried to explain that I knew if I called her with that fever she’d have insisted I go to the emergency room in Charlotte- and I would get Stuck there- while knowing I still had a shot at chemo the next day! I told her I called my girlfriend Arlene instead! Remember? Arlene is up there in ranking with her! In fact they did their residencies together! She looked up in the air while shaking her head… and said, “and what did Arlene say?” I said, “She said, you’re NOT gonna’ die between today and tonight! Rest- get on the plane and go to your doc tomorrow.”
Now my doctor is looking down shaking her head, and said, “I’m glad Arlene is your friend, and I also know that no matter WHO you spoke with, you’d STILL not have gone to the ER!” I answered, “I’m HERE, aren’t I? My temperature, while less than 24 hours ago has dropped to 97.4… can I have chemo?”
The answer was YES- and a blood transfusion the next day.
So here I am, after All THAT- on a Sunday, waiting to find out if my numbers will shock the world yet again tomorrow… with platelets coming UP so that I can be DONE!!!!
If not tomorrow, they’ll test me every other day this week, and the minute I’m safe the chemos will enter my system.
I had the sense to ask her finally, “and how will having 4 chemos injected at once make me feel? She said, “day 4-5-6 you’ll feel like a truck ran over you.” I wanted to know if that same truck would back up over me, and her response was, “it’s quite possible it’ll feel like that!” I saId, “what kind of truck!!!”
Ok! There ya’ have it! Next week should be it- not knowing which day is going to be the hard part- until the HARD PART!
If at some point next week you don’t hear from me on FB or here on my blog… you’ll know: I’m going through hell to get to heaven! Heaven being alive and well!
Cross your fingers, toes, what ever’s long enough to cross- just do it! Please… I’ve so had it.
Love to you all,
Robin
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