While they might be different, they’re Still able to be labeled!
1. DISBELIEF- “No ‘f-#%%^-ing’ way, am I doing this.” “20 years worth of shit? In those boxes, who’s gonna’ put it there??”
2. PARENTAL OBLIGATION- The kids will NEVER agree to it. Nope? No way.
3. JOB LOSS- “ok, Missy- just how do you expect us to make a living?” “You want me to do WHAT?”
4. THE REALTOR- This is the person, that we all wonder about. “Is he in it for Me? Or is he REALLY only in it for HIM/HER? We have internal conversations with ourselves about this all the time, like: “sure, he tells me to knock off $10,000 when it really only takes off $200 of his commission!” CAN WE TRUST THEM TO DO THE RIGHT JOB?
5. WHERE TO GO: Here’s where we make ourselves Crazy. We have an entire world to explore, and yet we still feel ‘stuck’ in our own backyard. We explore, but we’re still in Denial stage, so we go nowhere FAST!
6. TALK TO THE KIDS- They say, “Yes?” Who knew??
7. HIRE THE REALTOR- Do we hire a friend or someone we don’t know?- A FRIEND!
8. PEOPLE COME IN OUR HOME- This is the worst. 5 kids, 2 dogs, a house that has many imperfections that the world now has access to. Our image is now able to be talked about throughout the neighborhood! No more, ‘behind closed doors’ for THIS family!
9. PEOPLE WANT OUR HOUSE!- WHAT?? How could someone WANT the house, if I WANT to leave it? Again,… traveling back to that constant state of Denial.
10. MUST DECIDE WHERE TO LIVE!- Whoa! These people are Serious! They want our house, and they want to close within a month! What?? Our kids still in school?
11. THE LAWYER- Again, do we hire a friend? YES!!!
12. THE PLAN OF EXECUTION- ok. How do we do this? New owners, want the house ASAP- we want to sell the house, but need kids to finish school. Lawyer says, put 3 months rent in an escrow account, let the OLD owners RENT their home from the NEW owners. Weird,… but makes sense! We do it!
13. EXPLORE TOP RATED CITIES- OMG. This is friggin’ nightmare. How many online tests can you take, to see where you fit in? I don’t even fit in HERE in my OWN home town! This is a Lose-Lose situation…but still, I try.
14. NARROW THE SEARCH- (Still in Denial Stage)- ask EVERY family member to take the God damn online test! Compare answers, find 3 common cities, find a rare evening where everyone’s at the dinner table together, and whip out the papers! Everyone STARES at you, because they NOW KNOW- YOU MEAN BUSINESS.
15. ACCEPTANCE- all 6 pair of eyes are looking at you, at the table, knowing- this is the final chapter of MOM LOSING HER MARBLES. We’re leaving, so we may as well pick the right place to go.
16. PICK A CITY AND GO EXPLORE- Just get on the damn plane and go! Hearing the captain’s voice made me realize there was no turning back!
17. FIND A REALTOR- AGAIN!- NOW WHAT. How do you pick someone that not only lives somewhere else, and knows that city better than YOU do, but he has an accent and it’s hard to understand at times…? We MUST be POLITE!
18. COMMIT TO A HOUSE!- OYE. We are not just committing to a house, but also to a ‘neighborhood.’ I don’t do well, with neighbors. The whole family KNOWS it. The Realtor, does Not.
19. FAKE SMILE- Come back home with a big smile and tell the family about their NEW HOME! Make up stories about all the kids in the neighborhood! Stroke the children! “You’ll be FINE! You’re the prettiest girls THERE! I saw every child in the city!”
20. THE GARAGE/FURNITURE SALE- THIS is a JOKE. There are two kinds of people that come. ONE: the neighbors that just wanted to see the inside of your house! They suck. TWO: The ones that say $2.00 less for every damn thing you are selling. For God’s sake, we’re selling our ‘stuff’ for a reason! To Make Money! Not to Give it away? Just buy it, or get the hell away from my table!
21. REALIZATION THAT YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE TRANSITION- This is Too Much. You know you’ve gone off the deep end, when you’re yelling at your customers! “I Said $2.00 for that piggy bank! Not $1.00? Gimme’ the Two Bucks, or get off my property!” That’s a tell tale sign of, ‘it’s martini time.’
22. HIRING THE MOVERS- The horror stories keep you up at night. “Will they hold me hostage on the other end??” I grill and drill them, I actuall stoop to new levels, where I TELL them, I’m in the MEDIA! OMG, I’ve never done this before! I played the MEDIA CARD! JESUS! I’m outta’ control for sure.
23. HOPE- Wow. To actually allow yourself to feel this, after all of the above, is a relief. The movers show up, nothing’s broken so far, we offer them food, drinks! We like them! We think about our new jobs, our potential savings, our kids living in a better environment… our dogs running away (JK…it’s just that they’re so annoying, they barked at the movers every single time they walked back and forth into the house! I wanted to put them on the truck and ship them off!)
24. FEAR- I said to my husband, “what if I don’t fit in?” He said, “what are you worrying about, Robin? We already KNOW you WON’T fit in!” He’s right! I’m no longer afraid of that! I guess I just had to hear it! LOL!
25. DREAD- OK. I know I have to make the drive. Three out of five kids go with me, and both of those dreaded animals. All in one car. I’ve got sedatives for the dogs, and Benedryl for the kids. I’m good.
26. PREPARATION- I bought audio books called “TEEN POWER.” THAT ought to go over well? 12 hours of How to be the Perfect Teen! LOL! I think I outdid myself here. I can picture the dogs putting their feet over their ears as well.
27. HOME- This is the best part. We get to make that house our HOME- but this time, they’re old enough to do it WITH me. I can’t wait to see what thought’s they offer on decorating, how they want their rooms to look, if they’ll keep things clean, tidy, and I want to see if they can relax a bit. Lose a bit of the NY edge…because if THEY can,… so can I.
28. MEET THE NEIGHBORS- We are the only house, in a cul-de-sac, with a pool. I need to be careful of that, until I lose my NY edge. 🙂 Otherwise, I’ll be known as the Harper Valley PTA mom… and we don’t want that now, do we?
29. NEW SCHOOLS- I must NOT forget to register my kids! They know to keep reminding me!
30. SET UP NEW RECORDING STUDIO- I have the right person to help me, and once that is done, I’ll finally relax, because what I do, I can do from anywhere!
Hope you enjoyed our trip!