Robin Marshall Before Cancer Surgery – Let's see how long it takes me to get Back here!
As far as she knows, just like anyone else diagnosed, she could lose her life, … compared to Robin Williams who chose to take his!
That's about as angry as I’m going to get.
Yes… I was diagnosed last week after several doctor's appointments spanning from months ago when all was perfectly normal even though I felt something was wrong, and continued to persist through a battery of tests this last week ending in D-Day on Friday when the bomb was dropped in my lap.
I have stage 2 uterine/ovarian cancer and need a hysterectomy. In my brain I'm thinking, "Those are all my good parts! How could they turn on me NOW?" It's like I want to have e a good "talkin' to," with myself!
With this news, I shook, as people do when they're in shock, I asked the doctor, who BTW is a fast talking NY'er from Sloan Kettering, to explain it to me, which she did … and finishing her spiel consisting of medical lingo, tumors, numbers and parts I didn't even know I had … she asked if I understood. I said, "F*** No! I need to call my girlfriend who's currently a chief radiologist at Sloan Kettering in NY and let you tell her so she can tell me!" She continued by drawing me pictures of my insides, where I calmly began pushing numbers on my cell phone until Arlene answered. I interrupted the fast-talking doc and said, "Here, tell her everything." She did!
I've decided that I've always been forthcoming here on Facebook and Twitter and it is ridiculous for me to continue to hide what I'm facing, while at the same time I'm the LAST ONE to look for sympathy! Holy Cow! I just released this book: "The Diary of a Sugar Mom!"
I'm already thinking, … "Hmmm… if I die … I might sell more books and my Kids will be better off!" It's the entrepreneur in me, I just can't help it!
I wrote the book for TWO reasons:
1. TRUTH. We all need to take a good look in the mirror every lunar eclipse and admit to where we've been and where we want to go.
2. My goal was to show women that at the age of 45 and up when your kids are leaving and your husband is lackadaisical, your life has just Begun! Call it "me time!" Your kids, husband, parents, friends, and lovers will all survive while you take care of you for a while. I'm trying, via this book to offer you the permission you've needed. 🙂 If you want gym time, and your kids need carpooling, tell someone else to do it and stick to your plan. You've given them everything you've got like the sap inside the tree until the bark isn't barking any more. Run Forest, Run!
3. Oh come on, you all know I suck at math … I know I said Two, but my hands have trouble keeping up with my mind, so indulge me again. Men! If you'd open your mouths and tell your wives exactly what you want sexually and spiritually, you'd be surprised at just how fast you may turn her around. Silence gets you nowhere fast.
Here's my message to you all: I have traveled great distances, spiritually as well as in mileage to protect my family, just like you. Ok, maybe to bit more of an extreme, leaving them behind with their dad because we really needed the money, while I broke out into corporate and writing books in a totally different state and city, but they're safe and I'm happy they're safe! I go home every two weeks. That's the part that's hurting me most. I'll have to put seeing them on the back burner while I heal, if it's in the cards.
I'm "coming out," with this news because it's just me being me.
You may have a few questions. Here are a few examples.
1. "Is there anything I can do?" Answer: "YES, would you mind having this operation for me, so I can continue with my weekend Book Tour? :-)"
2. "Is it gonna' hurt?" Answer: "I dunno? I've never had my insides taken out before, these parts used to make babies and now they're just making trouble, but if I had to guess, it's gonna' hurt like Hell!"
3. "Are you gonna be ok?" Answer: "How the hell do I know! Ask me in a week, hopefully I'll be here to answer!"
Never ask a question that you're not prepared to hear the answer to, especially if it's to me! Just laugh, thank God quietly (when I'm not looking) that it wasn't you, and deal with me! If I need something? Do I seem the type that'd be afraid to ask? You should pray that you stay out of my path right now because I just might ask of you, … to piss you off or merely to see how you react!
Ok. I'm gonna' get serious for a minute: I've been Very proactive medically over the last few months. Girlfriends, when you become symptomatic, it's not you being "hormonal," as your spouse might insist. Trust that you know your own body and follow through. Don't listen to anyone other than YOU.
While in the Dr's office, and having just passed my doctor over to my girlfriend on the phone, whom I'm calling "Dr. Arlene,” they may as well have been speaking in a foreign language as I listened while shaking, …wondering where I'd parked my car. Why should THAT change? I always feel blessed when I find my car. It's the little things… 🙂
They hung up as I mentally challenged myself, picturing walking in from outside and remembering landmarks, because one thing I knew was I needed my car to get the hell away from this immediate situation so I could breathe on my own. I didn't want her looking at me anymore as though I was a victim and she was trying to make sense out of my being assaulted.
I asked her, "When do you feel I should have this operation done?" She answered, "Wed of next week. I'm booked solid on Thursday and Friday." I thought I'd been in shock only moments ago, but to hear your doctor utter the words, "next week," is mind blowing.
Now comes the part where you'll recognize me again! Ready? I asked her, "if we pushed this to the following Monday, a mere 5 days later, would it make a difference?" She said, no, she was only trying to accommodate me because I'd come across like I was in a hurry, and then she asked the question I was afraid she'd ask: "WHY?" Ugh… I knew if I told her the truth she may not take me seriously in the OR, but if I didn't grab those few extra days I'd lose an opportunity that really mattered to me! Call me crazy, … Once again I told the truth: "I have an important trip scheduled that includes a high-powered seminar and two or three interviews for my book. I'd like to get it rolling so my publicist will have something to work with while I'm down for the count."
DEAD AIR. I don't have a clue as to why I thought she'd understand, and then she asked the REALLY GOOD question: "Ooooh! What's the subject of your book and what's it called? Can I buy it anywhere?"
Here's where I felt the injustice and humor in a single breath as I calmly explained that it's a book about a woman who when faced with an emergency situation regarding the well-being of her children, learned about the Sugar Daddy world and became a Sugar Baby in order to protect them!
REALLY DEAD AIR.
She asked, "Is this a novel?" I'm thinking… she's really asking, "Is this like 50 Shades?" I said, "It's Faction."
BLANK FACE. When a Doctor has a blank face, you know you're in trouble. The conversation continued where I said, "So…I'd like to call Arlene back,…" where she interrupted me saying ,… "What's Faction?" I swear I almost told her that she needed to be the one laying down with her feet in the stirrups as I continued, "it's part fact and part fiction…so really, will the extra days make a difference or not?"
She looked at me. If looks could kill, I could picture her viewing my surgery as a speed bump in her day. That's what her face registered!
Knowing how to deal with egos as well as I do, I turned it around and said, "Doctor, the character in the book charged more per hour than you do as a surgeon! She is a smart woman, which is why I chose to write about her!" THAT did not go over well. Hell, I was going for broke at that point as I continued, "and she didn't need a degree to keep her kids safe and sound!"
PIN DROP Moment. Whatever?
I needed the save at that moment as I asked her, "What would YOU do, if faced with that situation of keeping your children in their home; warm, fed and clean versus living in a shelter or worse yet, on the street? Could you have sex for money?"
A life altering moment happened within a few seconds as I saw the light in her eyes turn on. She asked, "How do I get a copy of the book?" I told her it was available on Amazon or my website." She wrote it down. I think that was the biggest, "Phee-eew" moment in my life! Instead of my fearing being butchered on the table, I felt she understood me. Yay! I hope?
Here's my bottom line with you all: Please: I just want life to continue as it is, let us be the friends that we are, but just be aware that I have an agenda. My agenda is to get well, and I know how tough surgery can be, emotionally and physically, especially for a woman who really takes good care of herself. I walk every night, I never eat junk and I stay in the best shape I can.
I worry about bouncing back, the chance of chemo, losing my hair … throwing up! I know they sound like something a spoiled brat might mention but every once in a while I feel scared. I've worked so hard to get where I am, that I just feel tired when I think about what may happen to me and what I've worked so hard to maintain. Spoiled? I dunno… I have girlfriends that have lived through worse; and for God's Sake: I just thought of another question you may have: "Is Uterine Cancer Contagious and if so can you catch it via sex?"
Answer: "I'd have been dead YEARS ago if this were the case! Hell to the No, it's not contagious!"
My motive with my book was to brag about this new word I embellished and even have a pending Trademark with: Sugar Mom. It's a woman who lives a life less ordinary. A woman who deserves her own space, after raising her kids and even her husband! LOL! It's not necessarily sexual, but the word "Sugar" represents all the things she's wanted but has not had the opportunity to experience.
So here I am … a Sugar Mom who just got bitch-slapped in the face by a huge hand of reality. I'm assuming I overstepped, (what else is new?) and this is just God's way of putting me back in my place or just slowing my ass down a bit until she can catch up. I get it. I'll be good.
Please, no fake comments. I shared with you because I want you to go to the doctor if you feel something's wrong or out of whack. I want you to look at your significant other and tell them you love them. If I can help change One Person it's worth it. It's always been my formula with everything I tackle: one person at a time. It's medicinal for me! It helps me to thrive, and guess what? I've raised 5 kids to be just like me! That brings me peace, because there's no shutting them up, if I should disappear.
My ultimate plan is to blog via my site daily while I recuperate, and if you'd like to reach me personally about this subject just email me. Any conversations we have via email are private. Period.
Much love to every one of you. Make a difference today while you can.
Surgery is tomorrow.
Let's just roll with it, ok?