Robin Marshalls Arts: Voice and Paint

Very Vocal - Very Creative - Artistically WILD!

You are here: Home / Archives for Lemons to Lemonade - Ovarian Cancer

“It Ain’t Over Till the FAT Lady Sings!” She’ Singin’!

//  3 Comments

 

Feb 15th,2015 Dallas, Tx

image
I'm Almlost THERE!

So it’s come down to the wire…  

My Doctor has admitted I’m “one of a kind.” Meaning, she’s never had a patient who’s numbers have been the equivalent to a wooden roller coaster, where you hear the sound of the rickety-rick as it climbs to the peak and shoots straight down to the bottom, without hope that you’ll survive that drop! And of course, then there’s the subject of my personality… Ha! She admitted to me, that most women can’t handle 6 months worth of weekly taxol, let alone work and travel at the same time. I didn’t know that. I just remember my girlfriend Jane, who had stage 4 cancer and she’d have her IV pole at work, while being the GM of a radio station. I thought that was remarkable and tried to model myself after her.

Each week I’ve gone in, for the entire 6 months, it’s been a crap shoot. My white count is so low they can’t give me chemo or my red count is so low that I need a blood transfusion. I wonder how many people really are a part of my make up, at this point. All that blood from generous strangers…I wonder if it’ changed my personality? Obviously not- I’m still a bit crazy- unless they pulled from the “crazy blood bank!”

A perfect example is, I went to SC to see my kids last week. Had a great time until I woke up Sunday to a fever of 103.5. I know… you’re all picturing what radio frequency is in your market with that number! I’m not the only nutty one- I too remembered working for the Apple in NYC, thinking, “OH! So it all comes around finally!”

Here it is: 3 weeks left to go which includes 4 treatments of chemo.

My mom has been in and out of the ICU for the last 5 months. I’ve seen her twice which is the only way I’ve been able to talk with her, since she’s trached and on a ventilator. I was able to read her lips. Now I’m getting calls from the doctor saying it doesn’t look good. She’ll never come off the vent and her chosen POA is slipping into delirium. Can I come in? I’ve been forbidden to enter the ICU while my counts have been all over the map, which caused me to go to my doctor and ask for advice.

She said, “Robin your platelets are too low for chemo as of today. Your body is at the point where we don’t think you’ll be able to handle chemo on a weekly basis anymore. We can’t afford to keep missing weeks due to your counts being inconsistent.”

I never even saw what was coming…

All I knew was that this was going to be the hardest three weeks of my life- body tolerance wise, and trying to get to my mom in time.

She said, “come back on Monday for labs again, and let’s see if the platelets are higher, and if so- we’re going to give you the entire cycle in one sitting; 4 doses of chemo which will take about 6 hours- and then? You’re done. I started to cry… happy tears! All those moments of tearing quietly just broke loose.

After regaining my composure, please picture my mouth hanging open- as I said, “can I die from this?” She said, “as long as you don’t HIDE the fact that you have a FEVER from me again, NO… I don’t think so!”
I tried to explain that I knew if I called her with that fever she’d have insisted I go to the emergency room in Charlotte- and I would get Stuck there- while knowing I still had a shot at chemo the next day! I told her I called my girlfriend Arlene instead! Remember? Arlene is up there in ranking with her! In fact they did their residencies together! She looked up in the air while shaking her head… and said, “and what did Arlene say?” I said, “She said, you’re NOT gonna’ die between today and tonight! Rest- get on the plane and go to your doc tomorrow.”

Now my doctor is looking down shaking her head, and said, “I’m glad Arlene is your friend, and I also know that no matter WHO you spoke with, you’d STILL not have gone to the ER!” I answered, “I’m HERE, aren’t I? My temperature, while less than 24 hours ago has dropped to 97.4… can I have chemo?”

The answer was YES- and a blood transfusion the next day.

So here I am, after All THAT- on a Sunday, waiting to find out if my numbers will shock the world yet again tomorrow… with platelets coming UP so that I can be DONE!!!!
If not tomorrow, they’ll test me every other day this week, and the minute I’m safe the chemos will enter my system.

I had the sense to ask her finally, “and how will having 4 chemos injected at once make me feel? She said, “day 4-5-6 you’ll feel like a truck ran over you.” I wanted to know if that same truck would back up over me, and her response was, “it’s quite possible it’ll feel like that!” I saId, “what kind of truck!!!”

Ok! There ya’ have it! Next week should be it- not knowing which day is going to be the hard part- until the HARD PART!

If at some point next week you don’t hear from me on FB or here on my blog… you’ll know: I’m going through hell to get to heaven! Heaven being alive and well!

Cross your fingers, toes, what ever’s long enough to cross- just do it! Please… I’ve so had it.

Love to you all,

Robin

It’s All About the Red Shoes…

//  Leave a Comment

 
It’s all in the “attitude!”
 
 
 
Dallas, Tx, Feb 3, 2015
 

 

I’m “cleaning out my closet” of life. All of a sudden I’m realizing that the important things should stay and the non-relevant things should go. Clothes, files, friends and so on have been looked at twice with intent on keeping only what really matters. Is it due to having an illness that has the capabilities of snuffing out my life? Maybe. We're not in Kansas anymore!

I think, when faced with cancer or any other life-altering disease, we eventually break things down in our minds, souls and hearts by way of a “life-like scale!” Let’s give everything a number: 1,2  or 3: if it’s a 1 it’s a goner; 2 deserves consideration and 3 is a keeper! I’m down to bare bones with my number system, which is very telling. I either embraced too many for the wrong reasons or didn’t embrace enough because I was always rushing. Now I look very closely at those I’ve kept, and try to take better care. Things and people that are precious to you, deserve that “extra lovin’.”

I sat with my Doctor and her two nurses last night, as she chose to make me her last appointment. Why? We all laugh about the most unrelated topics while I’m in her office! I mentioned once before that one of my nurses in the hospital told me that he had his favorite patients, and would save them for special times of the day so that he could have a lift! I guess it works the same way with Doctors… I never thought about a typical day from a nurse or Doctor’s point of view, have you? I find myself aggravated if the Doc is running late, or doesn’t have my chart memorized… or the nurse doesn’t know why they’re drawing blood, or that I hate shots! Now I get it! I’ve learned that there are certain patients that are draining to the medical staff; patients they wish they didn’t have – patients they run out of patience with, quickly!
They also have their favorites, and I’m honored to know that I AM one! I understood quickly that after seeing so much sickness in people with lousy attitudes every day, they need a break; even if only for 15 minutes! They need someone who can make them laugh!

They reminded me of my first visit; where she broke the news to me about having cancer and how I became very indignant to her, and her nurse. I honestly didn’t remember it until they reiterated certain things I’d said; things I could easily picture coming out of my mouth! “I have no time for this; is what you’re saying at this point really relevant, or can I GO?” “I don’t understand One Thing you’ve said to me. I want you to talk to my girlfriend, who’s a doctor in NY; I’m calling her on my cell. Then SHE can tell it to ME in “real-people” talk”…. as I entered her number into my phone. Yup! I could easily hear those strings of rudeness spewing from my lips! As belligerent as I’d been to them then, is as close as we’ve all become. They’re strong women too and understood that I’d been in shock. Strong women support strong women!

We spoke of so many incidents that were so very important, where we each learned so much from the other. I easily said the words, “Yeah… I felt the loving from you right after you almost KILLED me with your first issued round of chemo – hell you put me  back in the hospital for 9 days!” My Doctor who’s humble and sharp as a tack said, “I really thought you could handle the dose based on your daily routines and your fitness level! You shocked ME as much as yourself, by not being strong enough!”

How do you argue with a professional that tells it like it is? You don’t. You learn to accept and appreciate. I find myself thinking about how much I’ll miss them when I finish… and if maybe they’d want to go out and have a drink? As of right now, I drink only clear liquids based on her advice; including vodka! Ha! Some nights I’ll even make a very healthy smoothie and throw a couple shots in the blender! Come on… ya’ only live once!

I wanted to mention the CA 125 number that I’d shown you the last time has dropped even lower, to an 18. This means I’m trending low each week, which is a very good indicator that the chemo has worked! I felt free enough to ask her, “since I continue to trend low… does this raise the odds of the cancer not coming back?”

Silence.

I tried again from a different angle, “I mean… the odds of it NOT coming back are 15-20%… do you think I’ll beat those odds based on my numbers?”

More silence.

I looked from her to the two nurses, and no one said a word until she offered, “No, the statistics stay the same, but we want to do genetics testing and you may fit into some sort of medical trial, where they offer you new meds to beat your specific type of cancer.”

I felt like a tire that was running out of air. Never ask a question for which you’re not prepared to hear the answer! It’s the golden rule of sales- a rule I’ve grown up with, and I still asked the question! What could I have been thinking!

So now? I have to prove her statistics wrong, and the Bitch in me- WILL.

For those of you that are also going through any type of cancer, I have a “Robin To-Do” list. They are little tips that can keep you looking and feeling more like You!

(skip this part and head to the end if you’re not in need)

Don’t give in to the disease, no matter how sick you feel; make sure you dress, do makeup and wear a wig even while in the house. How you look can easily affect how you feel. When people meet you, knowing you have cancer, if you look the part, they tend to keep a distance from you.  If instead, you look as good as you get, it shows people that you really care and that you’re a fighter! People respect this and would rather keep you closer.

•    Makeup
•    Eyebrows- buy an eyebrow pencil that doesn’t rub off. I use “Ulta- BrowPower
•    Eyelashes- Mascara is important if you still have eyelashes, even if only a very few left use a curled wand and I swear by Loreal Voluminous!
•    If no eyelashes get fake eyelashes. This brand, Ardell really works. Don’t fall for the black glue tactic! It creates more anxiety and mess than anything else. White glue, blow on it for a good 10 sec before trying to put them on. The idea is to let the glue get tacky instead of wet. It only took me 30 years to figure this out after trying desperately to put them on my girls, unsuccessfully at dance competitions.
•    Eyeliner- very important to use the right one! Otherwise your eyes look like they blend in with your face. I use Loreal Color Rich on the top lid and inside the lower lid. It defines your eyes, and they are the most important part of your face!
•    Skin care- Loreal Revitalift face wash towelettes.
•    Pore reducers are great to use because they even out your skin tone. Chemo does weird things to your skin and this can bring you close to looking normal!
•    Cover up- something that’s almost translucent works best; just a touch of color. I use Rimmel Fix and Perfect.

•    Translucent powder works wonders on top of all of the above! Use a big brush and shake off the loose powder before you apply it. I use Physicians Formula- translucent.
•    Blush- same method of application as the powder, and don’t go crazy with getting really pink. Subtle works best. You’re trying to look Normal not like you’re on stage. My choice is Happy Booster- Rose!
•    Spray tanning- it’s a pain, but the medium color will keep you looking healthy and not pasty. Ask for directions so you don’t turn yourself orange in certain places!
•    Wigs- always have more than one! You have no idea how that wig is going to wear, or last, or look on you until you start wearing it daily. A back-up is a necessity! I would stay away from real hair wigs, because I’ve learned that the chemo goes through your scalp and can destroy any wig, any time. Double sided tape helps; just a tiny strip across the front and very bottom in the back.

•    Are we exhausted yet???

•    Scarves are always good to have by your front door in case someone comes a’ knockin’… you can throw one on.

•    Stop wasting your money on fill-ins or manicures. Your nails may change or have ridges, and the easiest and prettiest fix are the glue on nails that you can buy in any pharmacy department. BROADWAY NAILS are what I use. Only buy the ones with the tabs! You need to keep your sanity right about now, and the tabs help!

•    Continue to wear high heels if you previously wore them. Your legs will stay in better shape.

•    Understand ahead of time that you will gain a few pounds from the chemo, steroids and fluids that they pump into your IV. Just remember: it’s “water-weight!” Don’t get mad at yourself for gaining the weight; there are certain things we can and can not control. This is one of them. Eat healthy, lots of fruit, veggies, water, fish, and I swear I couldn’t make it through the day without a martini at night. Don’t tell your doctor I suggested this, please. When I told My doctor that it was a part of my regimen she almost fell off of her stool. I explained that she’d said, “Clear Liquids!” It’s the first time I’ve seen her speechless.

•    You will be colder when it’s cold outside. Always have a sweater or jacket.

•    You will be hotter when it’s hot outside! Dress in layers and don’t be afraid to take them off!

•    Always carry Murine, your eyes get a little crazy during chemo, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get those pharmacy glasses a bit stronger than you may normally need. They say not to change prescriptions while on chemo because your eyes will go back to the way they were when you complete the cycles. Pharmacy glasses are the easy fix.

•    Skin moisturizers are very important to use every day. You’ll notice your legs and feet will be dry. Just get in the habit of rubbing it on every day.

•    Your hair- don’t wait for it all to fall out. I did that until I thought I’d die just from being mortified brush-full  by brush-full. It takes guts, but you’ll be much happier to have it all shaved off and throw on your wig, than you will be watching it daily disappear. Or seeing it on the counter, on your clothes and the floor.

•    Nausea- hard candy to suck on helps. Red liquorish too! Some say tea, lemons, unfortunately you’ll have to find your own magic trick for that one. Peppermint gum also works!

•    If you get that “chemo taste and smell” stuck in you, try using plastic utensils. It lessens the metallic taste in your mouth.

•    Get the port! It’s easier to have one place that they take your labs from and inject the chemo into, than to try and find available veins every time. You’ll wind up as one big black and blue blob that hurts! The thinner you are, the more the port will stand out, so be prepared to wear scarves or bring your hair/wig to the front, so that it rests on top and hides it!

•    Cold Cap is a devise that some people swear by, but it’s uncomfortable. It’s a dry ice type of cap that you wear on your head while the chemo is injected. It’s supposed to stop hair loss. I found out about it too late.

•    Biotin is supposed to help regrowth of your hair after you finish with the chemo.

•    Finally, your doctor’s job is to make you as comfortable as they can so don’t be afraid to call and say, “Hey, I feel like crap! What can we change that’ll make me feel better!”  

All of this to make yourself look presentable to the public and your family! It’s a lot of work, but once you get into the routine it becomes quicker. I promise.

(OK! We’re Back!)

I’ve been given a finish date if all goes according to plan! Mach 3rd is my last chemo injection. As exhilarated as I am to know it, is as frightened as I am to see what those next three months will show, when I go back for that quarterly blood test. But just the fact that I don’t have to have the meds or leave work or worry about reactions to the meds for three solid months, is a blessing! I’m excited to see what color my hair grows back as- they say it’s always different!

The week before last, my red count was a 7, which is dangerously low; with a normal count being 12-15. It’s severely anemic and the nurse couldn’t understand how I’d been to the gym the night before without dropping over from exhaustion!  My Dr. was in surgery, my chemo nurse found a "go-between" nurse to ask if I could go through with the procedure.

She said “No.”

I said, “I want to talk to her nurse, not the "go-between" nurse. I want my chemo!” She left the room and went on the hunt for my Dr.'s nurse.  
 
She came in, sat down and said to me, “Do you know how much I dreaded coming to see you today because I had no makeup on?” I said, “Are you crazy? You’re beautiful either way! Did you not work all day around people that saw you with no makeup?” She said, “Yeah, but you’re a cancer patient and you have chemo every week, and yet you still come in here dressed to the nines, makeup and hair perfect! I just can’t stand that I don’t look like I should when you’re here!”
 
Another miraculous moment of truth between doctors, nurses and patients. I told her “I loved her and thank you," but I wasn't leaving without having chemo, and what did I have to do to make that happen?” She said, “you have to have a blood transfusion tomorrow and you must promise to get it done!” WHY WOULDN’T I??? We virtually shook on it. The next day, 2 more pints of blood were generously donated to me by the same two male nurses from last time. One said, “you gonna’ snore again today when we knock you out?” I almost hit him! I said, “I only snore when I'm on my back!" He laughed out loud! Omg- I was so humiliated, as I finished with, "Give me a pillow that I can hug while lying on my side!”An hour later I heard, “Robin, Robin,…wake up!” I woke uttering, “I was Not Snoring!” He said, “Turn over onto your back; your blood pressure dropped to 64 over 32!” Of course my retort was, “It serves you right for making me sleep on my side!”
I feel like I’m comin’ round the bend… heading towards the end… holding my breath with each weekly lab result, just praying they won’t stop me from having the treatment. To have no control over your own red-white counts is very frustrating! Each time I’m prevented from having the chemo they tack it on the end. It’s Enough already!
 
Now, I’m waiting for the next set of numbers to come in…talk about a roller coaster ride! One week my white count is crazy and the next week my red count is dropping to the floor. We are squeaking through to the end! I’ve got big circles on my calendar that show FIVE MORE WEEKS!!! I’m almost there!
I think I’ll have a surprise blog at the end! Something that will make you laugh and hopefully bring you back for more blog reading, if I wind up outside of that 15-20% success group and must continue with chemo. I’ll need to do something silly to hook you, just in case!I wanted to mention that my mom was just moved out of the ICU this week after 3 months and into a nursing home, but she’s still on a ventilator which leaves me unable to talk with her. I’m also not permitted to go see her, because the flu is running rampant in Pittsburgh. It's a difficult time, for sure.… and finally, my best friend who was hospitalized 8 weeks ago after suffering from a stroke, is out and doing so much better; still has a long way to go, but he’s made it! He’s so friggin’ determined to be Superman, and I admire his tenacity! I’m glad to have him back, and it didn’t hurt, that I let him borrow my Cape! So what if it's pink? It's true! Real men DO wear pink (and they like it!)
 
 
 
Love to you all!
 
 
 
Robin

It’s a Number’s Game!

//  Leave a Comment

CA-125This is a quickie! It's meant for every woman to see and every person that loves that woman to see! It's a gentle reminder before the New Year to please don't ignore any symptoms that your body might be trying to tell you. From migraines to unnecessary bleeding… to losing weight or feeling swollen. We know our bodies better than anyone and I for one, care about you as do the people that love you.

This is my chart for a test called CA125. It measures the detection of cancer in your system- but it's also just an indicator that something is amiss, for instance where you see the higher number this just followed my surgery. As my doctor explained to me, all your insides were stirred up so we expect the number to go higher.

What I'm wanting you to see is the steady decline in that number which shows the chemo is working! I have a very positive attitude and my wish for the New Year is to keep that attitude!!! Plus throw in my humor like a staple, as I do!

Never be afraid to call me if you have questions, and we all know at this point in time- my gmail account was hacked into so I'm WAITING like a Good Girl for Google to give it BACK! You can reach me through FB for now.

Take a look! The lower the number the better!

I actually think I'm gonna' beat this!!! Nothin' up my sleeve? Presto!

The More I Know, the Less I Understand

//  Leave a Comment

Dec. 14th, 2014

The More I Know, the Less I Understand.

I’m in a black hole. I don’t know what’s more important any more: to preserve My life, or fix those lives around me that I love as much or even more. I have no control over either, it seems. It seems like just yesterday that I was able to control something… but now, all that mattered, falls at angles I’ve never seen, thus I have no idea how to straighten them out! It’s as if I’m in another world.

The two people I spoke at length with the most on a daily basis, almost feel as if they’ve disappeared off the planet; my planet. My mom and my best friend, who collectively have been in the hospital for the last 4 ½ months. My mom still can’t talk, due to a trach tube embedded in her neck, while also attached to a ventilator and my best friend is too weak to carry on the way we did on the phone, for hours at a time, after suffering from a stroke. I’m lucky if he can offer a minute or two. It certainly has my head spinning in the opposite direction from where I began. In fact, I’m not sure where the beginning is any more; pre-cancer or during-cancer. We all got sick chronologically, so the world took on a different dimension for me.

The part that is so disconcerting is that I have a potentially fatal disease, and I was fully prepared to explain away to all, that I can’t help it… I didn’t plan on it… I did nothing to deserve it, and if I die- please know that I love you and don’t take it personally! My intent was and is to try like the dickens to beat it! It seems easier to do when those you love are strong and supportive. When they unexpectedly drop from their own illnesses that were unforeseen… what happens to the "support team?” Does it sound selfish that I feel so alone because of their "now you see me, now you don’t,” similarities? I can’t help it! Everyone told me ahead of time to make sure I had my SUPPORT TEAM during chemo! I did what I was told to do, and I leaned on them when needed. Did I lean too hard? I almost feel like the evil force that they came in contact with was because of my doing. Crazy as it sounds, they were mine. They were the ones that kept me afloat when I felt I was losing durability. That extra spin cycle in the wash that you use to make the clothes dry faster, maybe I used them up by trying to get well faster, and they both got sick.
It’s the writer in me that allows myself to think in these ways; I’m not crazy but I do allow my imagination to go into that "overdrive cycle.” It will be the death of me… not the cancer. For goodness sake, I still think there are alligators under my bed from when I was 6!

Many say to me, "Wow! You’re half way through, look how well you’ve done with your chemo!” I smile, as I think about those around me that are no longer around me… and silently, in my head I try to explain, "Yes, I’m half way through with the EASY half! I’m entering into the half I’ve not yet seen. The part that steals your eyebrows, lashes, energy and will.” This is the side of chemo that all other women I’ve spoken with that have had cancer and lived through it – have experienced. This explains the knowing looks they give me when they’ve seen me with energy and filled with smiles; it explains the question my doctor keeps asking over and over, "any loss of feeling in your toes or fingers?” Now I understand. This is the half of chemo that takes you by total surprise; the part that laughs at you when you think you know what to expect!

I GIVE. I admit: I don’t know what’s coming on a day to day basis. When the littlest changes occur, the things these other women knew that I didn’t… I can’t share it with my support team! They are now more sick than me! It’s almost as if the cancer was so pissed off after being removed from my insides, that it is retaliating by playing havoc with my loved ones. I want to race in front of it to face it- and "bitch-slap” it back into position; Stay where you are, you filthy disease, and take your claws out of them! Work your powers on Me- not Them! No, I’m not a martyr at all, I’m just trying to understand the relevance of this poor timing on the people I love.

"I’m leaving on a jet plane…” after spending the weekend with my mom while she’s still in the hospital, wondering if I’ll ever see her again. I was shocked into silence when I saw her after just two months prior, but I quickly regained my composure and listened to all she had to say, as she mouthed the words that couldn’t be spoken, due to still relying on a ventilator, I lied when she asked how I was because what mother wants to know that their child isn’t holding up as well as they expected, and I told her stories to make her laugh and giggle! "Robin Stories,” that are next to impossible for most. It was so good to see her laugh! I showed her pictures of the kids… told her about work, about my friend… about my love life…. Until I ran out of things I thought would interest her. Then she looked at me and asked the question: "Robin, how ARE you?” I was speechless. I shrugged my shoulders, looked the other way as if distracted, and said, "Compared to you Mom? I’m just fine! Can we please talk about getting you off of these damned machines?”
When do we reach the age where we can finally fool our own moms? We thought we could when we were 16; but in our 50’s? The fact that we still try is beyond comprehension! Do we EVER grow up while we still have our parents? I think there’s a part of us that remains on hold until they go.

The cancer is still a part of my life and lately I feel the safest on the days when I go for chemo. I know it’s being zapped, … I know what my numbers are and then I live from day to day until the following chemo session! I worry about what it’ll be like when it’s over! Now THAT’S crazy.

Please continue to say prayers for those I love and throw in one or two for you! You matter to me, very much!

Much love and kisses too- my plane is about to land.

Robin

It’s Not All About ME!

//  Leave a Comment

I ended last week with my message being, “I am not concerned about who will bring me tea if I’m sick! I am so tired of people telling me, “ya know… we’re not getting any younger.” It’s as if everyone around me is racing the clock! What do you think is going to happen? I’m in my fifties, not death row! Even being in your sixties doesn’t necessarily bring you closer to knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door! Am I the only one out here that is oblivious to the ticking of the clock?

Just the fact that I can call you and say, “Hey, I just wanted to hear your voice,” brings me comfort. Just knowing you’re there if I need you is more than enough.

Between then and now, the best friend who I’d just had this argument with about this damned ticking clock, has wound up in the hospital after having a stroke.

My first instinct is to be so mad at him for leaving me defenseless, I mean… how do I go through a day or days not talking to him? He’s been my lifeline! I thought I was his! How many times, selfishly speaking, can one woman learn to adapt? No, as I said, I don’t need someone to bring me tea when I don’t feel well, but I Do need someone important to talk to on a daily basis; someone who’s opinion matters to me; someone that won’t laugh at me if I ask a question that may seem redundant and will take the time and offer the concern to give me their opinion.

My second instinct is to think, “Holy crap, he was right! We’re not getting any younger!” This is the part I’m having the most trouble with; I don’t think it’s age related but I do think the longer we live the more apt we are to have more things happen to us, regardless of how we take care of ourselves. Our bodies can only withstand so much as we live year after year, but we can’t use this excuse for young children with cancer or rare diseases. Is it just “bad luck?” A “spin of the wheel?” “Russian Roulette?” It just can’t all be related to age and yet there he lies in the hospital debilitated with an unexpected illness out of left field and here I am walking around feeling as good as I get, while having cancer! Just when things start to come around to making sense again… they don’t.

This happened while visiting my family in SC and really knocked me for a loop. There I go again, sounding just like my mom. ENOUGH with the apples!

My youngest daughter told me today after seeing me for the first time in a long while, since being diagnosed, that she didn’t expect me to look like I do! She said, “Mom, you look exactly like you did… even better than you did before you had cancer! I’ve never met anyone that looks like you do that has cancer!” I laughed out loud! “Did you expect me to arrive on a stretcher?” “No, but mom…. Is your head soft like the rest of your skin?” She had me in stitches again, and I told her, “when you come to Dallas in a couple of weeks, I’ll let you feel it!”

It’s funny, I’ve had 3 out of 5 kids visit so far since finding out I had/have ovarian cancer and each one I allowed to see me without my wig, and had no problem with it at all, and yet when together as a family, I just couldn’t walk around that way. I left my wig on for 6 days while visiting… I just couldn’t do it. Maybe I was afraid to let my husband see me? He’s the one who’s seen me at my worst, so no, I don’t think that’s it. It’s still something I’m trying to figure out while I’m on the plane headed back to Dallas. Next week my 18 year old comes to visit and the following week my 17 year old arrives. The first thing I’ll do is whip off my wig and say, “Ta-dah!!! – and no, I haven’t the slightest idea why! I guess that’s where the saying, “to know me is to love me,” comes from.

Throughout this whole blog, I’m fighting back tears because my friend is so sick. I can’t believe after all these years he didn’t have a secret cape in his closet, like I did! If we lived in the same state, I’d lend him mine. He’s man enough to wear pink and not mind people staring. It only goes to show that all illnesses can hit at any age, some you see coming and some you don’t; it’s still important to be proactive and go to the Dr. and fix the ones we might be fortunate enough to see heading our way.

I have chemo tomorrow, I’ve developed some kind of rash that’s actually under my skin on my arms that itches me. My Dr. insists it’s a reaction from the chemo, and I load myself up with Benadryl cream. If that’s the worst I have to complain about, I’m happy!
Please pray for my friend’s speedy recovery. I don’t feel like a whole person without him. He’s like my right half because he’s more right than wrong about life. Well… at least I let him think he is!

Love, hugs and many kisses to you, because one thing I did learn from my friend is we never know what tomorrow may bring. Please accept all the love and appreciation I’m offering. You are worth it!

Robin

XOXO
– See more at: http://www.robinmarshallsugarmom.com/Blog.html#sthash.GMNmpDqG.dpuf