And the news is good! Actually, this is the first bit of good news I’ve had since this journey started just a few months ago. It's all about faith! Faith builds hope not only internally but amongst friends too, and you have proven to be my friends, just in case I haven't said "thank you," lately.
My CA-125 test, which measures the indication for cancer in my system came back NORMAL!!! For the first time I feel like I'm telling the truth when I say "I'm gonna' be just fine!" Even if things change back and forth over the next 4 cycles I truly feel I've got a grip on this and I have some control over my body!
I had to have a blood transfusion yesterday because my red blood count was way too low, and at least I didn't have to add my OWN, as in these totally self-service, God forsaken gas stations, but adding a couple of pints of blood will not stop the feeling I have that I’m actually making progress and this chemo thing is actually working. Chemo is a poison that (hopefully) stops the advance of cancer cells, but also kills the good cells within you. My body requires steroids that keep me awake at night, so I do most of my writing overnights for now. My hair growth has taken a vacation through evacuation, but I found the perfect wig, which has brought tears of laughter to my eyes on occasion when someone I see on a weekly basis, male or female, will comment that I've really let my hair grow long or they love the new color! Screw my real hair, I actually have come to determine that my own hair was a bit dried out anyway, and I'm in love with my new wig! In fact I've learned that dress- up can be fun!
I believe I'm tough and I'm going to make it through this, but honestly, there are times when I’m scared to death! I don't understand how I could take really good care of myself for my entire life, then be diagnosed with cancer. "Type A" or not, it makes no sense to me. Cancer sneaks up just like all other diseases and conditions. It doesn’t discriminate between young and old, rich or poor, black or white. What matters is how you manage it! I didn’t ask for it, but then again, this cancer just messed with the wrong woman! I really believe that now!
I'm back at work, full-time, feeling like I never missed a beat, and with regard to a more taboo subject, there IS sex after a hysterectomy and a severe diagnosis such as ovarian cancer. Scars do fade and hormone replacement is not always needed to get back in that saddle again! I can picture eyes rolling here, but I began noticing that if I spent more time trying to make myself look good again, including strong tape on my wig -LOL- and I began recognizing that I had "show stoppers" on the inside too, like a good heart and a strong soul, passion just took its own step forward! Baby steps…
Guys, she will "come back," if you'll just be patient, and ladies, don't avoid the "stirrings" when they show up! Grab hold of this wild concept that you may have thought took a very back seat… and just go slow, but take the ride and don't be afraid to enjoy yourselves!!! Too much info? I don't think so; I think Every Woman wants to know if she'll be able to be the "turn on" again, or… get turned On again! It's just our frame of minds, allowing ourselves to heal inside and out while being with the right partner.
As I began round 3 of my chemo two days ago, I knew there would be another jury deliberation. I will face it as I have in the past, with a combination of courage, and fear. That’s how it is, for me, and perhaps for any other women reading about this journey. 100 years from now, maybe my children’s children will look at their grandmother and draw on the strength that it took to write this blog. I hope so, for them, for you, and for me.
I rest my case! Bailiff? There's order in this court!
This Truth Was One of the Hardest Things I Have Ever Told