Robin

Yes, I approached him with trepidation, I mean… this IS his busy season!  I had questions that had been bothering me for Years, so I forged ahead.  Here’s a list of things I asked of him.  The LAST one on the list, you can hear his repsonse by clicking that little audio thingy at the end!

1. WHY do you wear Red Velvet?  I don’t know ANY MAN ALIVE, that would have chosen Red Velvet. 

He said, “If YOU were flying up there in ‘nose bleed’ space, wouldn’t YOU want to wear something that would help you avoid getting hit by ET or the like there of, while keeping you warm at the same time? RED STANDS OUT, and Velvet is just, …well… snuggly warm.”

2. Why did you let the other reindeer make fun of Rudolph, way back in the beginning? 

He answered, ” I gave them enough rope to hang themselves with.  When it got bad- I made Rudolph the leader of the pack so that they’d all learn a valuable life lesson, in what NOT to do in the future. NO BULLYING ALLOWED.  In fact, I have Zero Tolerance for it, and as a result of Rudolph’s previous situation, many parents and children around the world have learned from that lesson.  That’s what it’s all about for me. You know, …my ‘naught or nice’ routine?”

3. How do you NOT get LOST!!!

He said, “I’ve always depended on Rudolph’s sense of smell.”

4. How do you help the children who come from parents that don’t believe in you? 

Santa said, “It’s obvious to me, that these parents must have had a traumatic incident in their Own childhood, in order for them to not believe in me, so I kiss them on the cheek, Christmas Eve while they’re sleeping, because I don’t have room in my life for ‘grudge holding,’ and then I go and slip a present for each of the famiy members under their tree.  No one EVER questions the  mysterious gifts, because the Parents feel a bit shaken by it, but they can’t let the KIDS know this, so I plant that seed of doubt! It’s actually my favorite part of the season! Ho Ho Ho!!!”

5. Ok Kris- here’s the big one: HOW do you FIT down the Chimney?? 

His answer? “A Magician NEVER tells his secrets!”  Pretty much left me with my mouth hanging open there…

I then asked him what bothers him the most about the holiday, and here it is- ‘the motherload!’  Santa’s most ‘NOT LIKED THING’ about Christmas!

I would! No responsibilities, no peer pressure, no heavy lifting, ‘Magic’ is Magic! Yes… there may be alligators under my bed, and monsters in the closet, but that can’t be worse than the fact that Osama bin Laden is still running free? 

While my parents taught me that it’s ‘ok’ to ‘color outside the lines,’  I’d have comfortable boundaries to live within, while my parents would still tell me what to do.  Too many choices can become our demise if we chose the wrong one!

I’d be allowed to have a Best Friend!  I could ‘pinky swear’ and MEAN it! (I acutally Still DO that, and DO mean it-shhh!)  I could be a ‘blood sister’ and not worry about AIDS, and most importantly I’d get to have milk and cookies every night if I was good, without worrying about calories!

The epitome of being 6 again, is that I could go to sleep on Dec 24th, not having shopped, bought, or wrapped a thing, and would be able to wake up the next morning – after trying to stay up to hear Santa and the reindeer- and find presents with MY NAME on them, wrapped in pretty colored papers, to rip open- because there were no gift bags back then!

Is that enough reason to want to be SIX again? If not- here’s more!   I WANNA BE SIX AGAIN

It’s the latest thing, did you get one this year? Still plenty of time before Christmas dinner to go and put your request in, with your local grocer!

It seems, that for years, farmers have noticed a group of turkeys that have had an ‘attitude problem,’ of sorts… and while most turkey farmers chose to ignore this, one fella’ decided to do some heavier digging. …

This could not have happened at a Worse moment, for sure! Just when Santa is relying on 7 reindeer to pull that ridiculously ‘old school’ sled… TWO- that’s right, count ’em:  T-W-O reindeer vanish!  …